2026年1月31日 / 美国东部时间上午10:34 / 哥伦比亚广播公司新闻
Hay House
我们可能会从您通过本文购买的任何商品中获得联盟佣金。
梅利莎·罗宾斯的播客、TED演讲和畅销书（包括《5秒法则》）使她成为最成功的励志演讲家之一。
在她的最新畅销书《放手理论》（Hay House出版）中，她探讨了个人成长只有在你不再将精力投入到无法控制的事物上时才成为可能——这包括试图改变他人。
以下是节选内容，2月1日不要错过诺拉·奥唐奈与梅利莎·罗宾斯在《哥伦比亚广播公司周日早晨》的对话！
*
《放手理论》（梅利莎·罗宾斯著）
[$16在亚马逊购买]
更喜欢听书？[Audible]目前提供30天免费试用。
[免费试用Audible]
*
1/1 跳过广告 广告后继续观看访问广告商网站进入页面
过去两年，我一直在研究“放手理论”：它为什么有效，以及如何利用它改变你的生活并改善你与他人的关系。
在撰写本书时，我采访了许多世界顶尖的心理学、神经科学、行为科学、人际关系、压力和幸福领域专家。当你阅读本书时，你会了解他们，并通过他们的研究在生活的无数情境中应用这一理论。正如你很快会发现的，科学证据明确表明：这一理论确实有效，而且效果非常好。
但本书不仅仅是介绍“放手理论”。它揭示了一条人类天性的基本法则：所有人都有对控制的本能需求。
我们天生渴望控制生活的方方面面：我们的时间、思想、行动、环境、计划、未来、决定和周围事物。感到有控制力会让你感到舒适和安全，因此你自然会试图控制身边的一切——往往甚至没有意识到这一点。
但事实是，有一件事你永远无法控制。无论你多么努力，你永远无法控制或改变另一个人。你唯一能控制的人是你自己。你的思想、行动和感受。
长久以来，你一直违背这条人类天性的基本法则。你一直在努力改变他人、试图控制局面、担心别人的言行举止；而这一切都为你自己和人际关系带来了不必要的压力、紧张和摩擦。我也曾如此。
“放手理论”彻底改变了我对待生活和他人的方式。我不再抗拒人类天性的自然流动，而是学会拥抱它。我不再把精力浪费在无法控制的事情上——别人说什么、想什么、做什么——而是将精力投入到我能控制的事情上：我自己。
结果如何？我对自己生活的掌控达到了前所未有的程度。这令人感到自由。我不再把别人视为问题的根源，结果我的人际关系得到了前所未有的改善。这就像打开了一扇多年紧闭的门。门后是什么？是一种我不再被管理他人的需求所束缚的生活。
在接下来的章节中，你将了解这一理论、开始应用它的最简单方法，以及当你这样做时会有多么美妙的感受。你还将了解到我在研究初期的一个惊人发现。“放手理论”不仅仅是……放手。是的，它以这两个词开始，但这不是全部。“放手”只是这个理论的前半部分。还有一个更关键的第二步：做自己。
在下一章中，我们将解析“放手”和“做自己”，并探索这两个步骤背后的科学和心理学原理。然后，你将了解到这个理论将在你生活的八个核心领域产生最大积极影响。我们将讨论你的人际关系、职业、情绪、观点、压力、爱情生活、困境、长期比较、友谊，以及最重要的——你与自己的关系。
你会反复发现，你一直试图控制错误的事情，并在不知不觉中将他人视为问题。事实是，他人本应是你生活中最大的幸福、支持和爱的来源之一。但如果你一直试图控制他们的感受、言语和行为，这就不可能实现。这本书将帮助你结束这种状况。
掌握“放手理论”，你将不再为无法控制的事物耗尽精力。这不仅仅是为了感觉更好，而是为了重新设计你整个人生的生活方式。我迫不及待想让你体验那种空间和自由，以你一直希望的方式——按照自己的意愿——生活。
让我们开始吧。
节选自梅利莎·罗宾斯《放手理论》。版权所有©2024梅利莎·罗宾斯。未经许可，不得复制本节选或其任何部分。
*
购买本书：
《放手理论：一种改变生活的工具，数百万人赞不绝口》（梅利莎·罗宾斯著，Hay House出版），有精装版、电子书和音频格式
更多信息：
- 梅利莎·罗宾斯《放手理论：一种改变生活的工具，数百万人赞不绝口》（Hay House），有精装、电子书和音频格式
- [melrobbins.com]
- [梅利莎·罗宾斯（播客）]
Book excerpt: “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins
January 31, 2026 / 10:34 AM EST / CBS News
Hay House
We may receive an affiliate commission from anything you buy from this article.
Mel Robbins’ podcasts, TED Talk and bestselling books, including “The 5 Second Rule,” have made her one of the most successful motivational speakers.
In her latest bestseller, [“The Let Them Theory”] (Hay House), she discusses how personal growth is only possible when you stop pouring energy into things you cannot control – which includes changing other people.
Read an excerpt below, and don’t miss Norah O’Donnell’s conversation with Mel Robbins on [“CBS Sunday Morning”] February 1!
*
[“The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins]
[$16 at Amazon]
Prefer to listen?[Audible]has a 30-day free trial available right now.
[Try Audible for free]
*
1/1 Skip Ad Continue watching after the adVisit Advertiser websiteGO TO PAGE
I’ve spent the last two years researching the Let Them Theory: why it works, and how you can use it to transform your life and improve your relationships with other people.
In writing this book, I’ve spoken to many of the world’s leading experts in psychology, neuroscience, behavioral science, relationships, stress, and happiness. You’ll meet them as you read the book, and their research will help you apply the theory in countless situations in your life. As you’ll soon see, the science is clear: This thing works. And it works really well.
But this book isn’t just about introducing you to the Let Them Theory. It’s about a fundamental law of human nature: All human beings have a hardwired need for control.
We all have an innate desire to control everything about our lives: our time, our thoughts, our actions, our environment, our plans, our future, our decisions, and our surroundings. Feeling in control makes you feel comfortable and safe, so naturally you try to control everyone and everything around you—oftentimes, without even realizing it.
But the fact is, there is one thing you will never be able to control. No matter how hard you try, you will never be able to control or change another person. The only person you are in control of is you. Your thoughts, your actions, your feelings.
For too long you’ve been working against this fundamental law of human nature. You’ve been fighting to change people, battling to control situations, worrying about what people say, think, or do; and in doing so, you’ve created unnecessary stress, tension, and friction for yourself and in your relationships. I did too.
The Let Them Theory has transformed my entire approach to life and how I deal with other people. Instead of resisting the natural flow of human nature, I learned to embrace it. Instead of wasting my energy on something I can’t control—what others say, think, and do—I poured my energy into what I can control: me.
The result? I gained more control over my own life than I have ever had before. It was freeing. I stopped making other people the problem, and in doing so, my relationships improved in ways I never thought possible. It was like unlocking a door that had been sealed shut for years. And behind it? A life where I’m no longer weighed down by the need to manage other people.
In the coming pages, you’ll learn all about the theory, the easiest way to start using it, and how awesome it feels when you do. You’ll also learn about a surprising discovery I made early in our research. The Let Them Theory isn’t just … Let Them. Yes, it begins with these two words, but that’s not the whole story. Let Them is just the first half of the equation. There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory: Let Me.
In the next chapter, we’ll unpack both Let Them and Let Me and explore the science and psychology behind each one of the two steps. Then, you’ll learn about the eight core areas of your life where the theory will have the biggest positive impact. We’ll talk about your relationships, career, emotions, opinions, stress, love life, struggles, chronic comparison, friendship, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself.
Over and over, you’ll learn how you’ve been trying to control the wrong things and unknowingly made other people a problem. The truth is, other people should be one of the greatest sources of happiness, support, and love in your life. But they can’t be if you keep trying to control what they feel, say, and do. That ends with this book.
Master the Let Them Theory, and you’ll stop exhausting yourself trying to control the uncontrollable. This isn’t just about feeling better. It’s about redesigning how you live your entire life. I can’t wait for you to discover the space and freedom to experience your life the way you’ve always wanted—on your terms.
Let’s begin.
From “The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins. Copyright © 2024 by Mel Robbins. All rights reserved. This excerpt, or any parts thereof, may not be reproduced without permission.
*
Get the book here:
[“The Let Them Theory” by Mel Robbins]
[$16 at Amazon]
[$25 at Barnes & Noble]
Buy locally from[Bookshop.org]
*
For more info:
- [“The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About”]by Mel Robbins (Hay House), in Hardcover, eBook and Audio formats
- [melrobbins.com]
- [Mel Robbins (Podcast)]
发表回复